Last night was the debut of The Bachelor: Rome - and I'm going to re-cap it because I devoted two hours of my life to watch it, but I'm making no promises to do so in the future. I was completely disappointed and annoyed with the whole production, and here are a few reasons why:
I'll begin with the object of the show, "Prince" Lorenzo Borghese. Touted as Italian royalty, it didn't take me long to figure out that Prince Lorenzo was a bit of a fraud. He himself explained to the viewing public that his title of prince is because he has a former Pope in his ancestry, and eighty zillion years ago, that Pope gave all of his family titles. So I don't think that makes him a real prince. And just because his family's name is all over Rome doesn't mean he's that important. That might've impressed the ladies, but it sure didn't impress me.
The second problem I have with the dude is his name. Lorenzo. Lorenzo. It's not a cool name. Not unless you're a hunky Italian lad with a thick charming accent. Nope. Lorenzo's a New Yorker whose claim to fame is his family's involvement in the cosmetic industry. Whoopi-doo. He doesn't even speak Italian, as we later found out when he tried to engage in a conversation with an Italian girl. He wanted to know if she liked sports. When it was clear that she didn't understand him, he asked if she liked guns, if she shot people, if she hunted giraffes. Then he laughed and said he was just kidding. Yeah, that was funny. Idiot-stick.
Thirdly, and most importantly, he's not hot. He looks slimy, his hair is floopy, he's not buff, he's not tall...he's non-descript. And he's got about as much charm as a snail. Compare him to last year's Bachelor - the handsome, intelligent, sweet Dr. Travis Stork. Lorenzo couldn't even carry his stethoscope. One woman said that Prince William ain't got nothing on Prince Lorenzo. Sorry, darling, but I'd even take Prince Charles over this doofus.
This brings me to the next big problem: The women brought in to swoon at his feet. If I'd been them, I would've hopped back into that limo and demanded a refund. I think they must've drugged them or something, though - they all gushed about how "sexy" Lorenzo is and all stated that they absolutely must be his future wife or they'll just die! One girl even sold her car so she could afford gowns suitable for such an adventure. If I were her, I'd have felt a little ripped off.
But let's forget for one moment that Lorenzo's dorky-looking. Let's just pretend he's Wade Redden or someone of that hotly stature. Okay, so he's standing there, and then the women start piling out of the limos - does he not see what I do? These women are not very attractive. Surely to God he must notice that they're caked in too much make-up, wearing ghastly dresses, and acting completely fake in an effort to win his heart. But no. Good ol' Lor insists that he's stuck in the best dream a man could ever have. Umm...okay. I'm not a guy, so I'll leave that judgement up to him, but I'm pretty sure some of the past bachelors have had much nicer "dreams".
I'd like to point out a few of the ladies for whom I took an instant hate. There's Miss. Grouch-face. I believe her real name is Gina. She was all googly-eyed and sweetness when Prince Borghese was around, but when other girls were clawing all over him, she stood in the background with her mouth pursed and her eyes shooting daggers. She looked like the Devil. But somehow, she got a rose. Then there was the over-the-top Desiree, who boogied for Lorenzo in her short, revealing white dress, and she crawled right under my skin by calling him "Baby" every chance she got. Lorenzo was instantly smitten, though. I just hope he knows she called the cameraman "baby" too...it's not exclusively his nickname. But somehow, she, too, got a rose. And of course there was the socialite's daughter. I think her name was Lauren, but I'm not sure. I don't know what a socialite is, but from the sneak peek into her home that they shared with us, I think it means her mom scampers around their mansion in a skimpy red dress, fussing over her little girl. She chose to wear a tiara to distinguish herself as Lorenzo's "princess" right off the bat. Honey, no need to wear the tiara...he should remember you because you're HOMELY. And yet, somehow, she also got a rose.
Finally, the biggest fault I have with this show is that they drag it all on for so damned long. Last night's show easily could have fit in one painful hour, but they insisted upon drawing it out for two long, excruciating hours. Another pet peeve of mine is how they highlight the upcoming events as they head into each commercial - so you pretty much know before it happens that one girl is gonna get the prince to hug a tree, that two Roman goddesses are going to descend into the catfight, that some poor bitch is gonna sing opera from a balcony in hopes of impressing, and that the dumb curly-haired blonde lady is gonna get plastered. And why, exactly, is there always such a spotlight put on the drunk girls? Why must they always be painted with a black brush? You toss a pack of nervous women into a castle and provide them with bottomless champagne glasses - how many of 'em do you think are going to emerge at dawn walking a straight line? Hell, if I showed up for this show and found out Lorenzo was the grand prize, I'd probably want to get shitfaced too.
All of this being said, the Canadian girl was one of the very, very few who impressed me, and because she won a rose last night, I'll probably tune in next week, just to make sure that he spares her a rose next week. I'd hate to see such a nice, down-to-earth gal getting stuck having to go on more stupid dates with the big scuzzball.
And that concludes my re-cap for The Bachelor: Ugly Meets Ugly. If you watched it...I'm so sorry I made you re-live it all again.
Have a good one, kids!
|
|
|---|
Tuesday, October 3, 2006
Monday, October 2, 2006
My Review of the Not-So-Amazing Race
Remember last week, when I said that there wasn't a whole lot going on in The Amazing Race, but at least I had some stories about horse accidents and stampeding wildebeasts? Well, this week there wasn't a whole lot that happened again, and unfortunately, there were no horses or wildebeasts, either. So it's sorta hard to write a spicy re-cap when there's not much spicy-ness other than two hot boys named James & Tyler...but I'll try.
The race kicked off with teams learning they were heading to Vietnam. This was a big deal for coalminer David, as his father served for the U.S. army in the Vietnam war. And you could tell that Dave was pretty overwhelmed for the whole leg of the race. However, his wife Mary apparently wasn't in the mood to sympathize with him. Dave was in the midst of sharing some of his dad's stories of his time in Nam with the camera when Mary butted in and ordered him to pay attention to where he was going. Dave was so flabbergasted at her rudeness that he couldn't even utter an intelligible sentence. He muttered some gibberish and just kept on driving.
In the meantime, Duke and Lauren were trying to figure out how to pay their cabbie, as this leg of the race provided them with no cash. With only $11 U.S. dollars to their name (and a rule stipulating that they could not beg for any more money), Lauren was certain they were heading for a stay in some dingy Vietnamese prison. It didn't help that they picked up some local dimwit, who had the cab take her to her brother's house before taking the racers on to their destination. They lucked out with a cabbie who accepted their misfortune, took their 11 bucks, and wished them well with a handshake. Either that, or he had no idea what they were talking about and thought they were gone in search of more money. He may still be waiting there for them to come back with the rest of the fare. Who knows.
At the roadblock, one team member had to ride around on a bicycle wearing a silly Vietnamese cone hat, and selling flowers to the people on the streets. They had to make $80,000 in Vietnamese dollars - which apparently equals about $5 U.S. And we thought our dollar sucked. Ha! The challenge didn't seem particularly difficult, aside from the few people with sticky fingers who thought they could just grab the flowers and run off without paying. Those Vietnamese rebels! It really pissed off the little gay guy. And Erwin or Godwin, whichever one of those Asian brothers has the long hair, seemed to have the most difficulty out of anyone. Odd, considering he was the only one who looked like he should know how to do it. But that's just being stereotypical of me. My apologies. And by the way, who names their kids Erwin and Godwin? Like, is that some kind of mean joke? Poor lads.
At the detour, teams had the option of either making a bunch of coal blocks, a traditional source of fuel in Nam, or puttering away at constructing some bird cages. Coalminer Dave thought this challenge was made for him until he arrived and realized Vietnam's coal is mud, whereas the U.S's coal is hard. One's familiarity with coal really didn't make any difference in the challenge - all they had to do was whack it into this thing that looked a lot like the machine my mom makes riced potatoes with at Christmastime. (If you've never had riced potatoes with gravy, you must try it...mmmmm....) The challenge didn't seem that difficult to me. But apparently it was for that jackass Rob, who kept whining that he was going to pass out. I was glad his girlfriend didn't baby him up too much - sort of retribution for how insensitive he was last week when she was knocked off her horse by a tree branch.
Unfortunately for Duke and Lauren, they got separated from the group while looking for the coal place and they stumbled accidentally upon the birdcage-making station. They chose to stay there and work at that, but the task was a tedious one, and it put them behind. They did have a shot at it after the gay guys made an almost-fatal error by hitching a ride at some point on some motorbikes. It was stated in their route information that for safety reasons, they were not allowed to ride motorbikes in Vietnam. They arrived on the mat in second place, where Phil slapped them with a half-hour penalty, and they had to stand off to the side while every other team landed on the mat. It got kinda tense towards the end, but Duke and Lauren just didn't make it in time, so the gay guys dropped to last place while the father-daughter team was eliminated.
My hot boys weren't in the spotlight much this week, and I'm not sure I like their idea to team up with the Beauty Queens and Rob & Kimberly, but they did finish in second place (thanks to the gay guys screw-up), so I can't complain much. I do, however, wish this race would get a little more exciting. So far the most drama we've had to face is how much more Sarah's failing hydraulic knee can withstand, and how much more of that dumbass Rob Kimberly can withstand.... Ooooo, the suspense!!
One last thing before I wrap 'er up: Big birthday wishes going out to a regular reader of the blog...SHARON! Hope you have a good one, m'dear! Eat some cake for me!
Take care, gang!
The race kicked off with teams learning they were heading to Vietnam. This was a big deal for coalminer David, as his father served for the U.S. army in the Vietnam war. And you could tell that Dave was pretty overwhelmed for the whole leg of the race. However, his wife Mary apparently wasn't in the mood to sympathize with him. Dave was in the midst of sharing some of his dad's stories of his time in Nam with the camera when Mary butted in and ordered him to pay attention to where he was going. Dave was so flabbergasted at her rudeness that he couldn't even utter an intelligible sentence. He muttered some gibberish and just kept on driving.
In the meantime, Duke and Lauren were trying to figure out how to pay their cabbie, as this leg of the race provided them with no cash. With only $11 U.S. dollars to their name (and a rule stipulating that they could not beg for any more money), Lauren was certain they were heading for a stay in some dingy Vietnamese prison. It didn't help that they picked up some local dimwit, who had the cab take her to her brother's house before taking the racers on to their destination. They lucked out with a cabbie who accepted their misfortune, took their 11 bucks, and wished them well with a handshake. Either that, or he had no idea what they were talking about and thought they were gone in search of more money. He may still be waiting there for them to come back with the rest of the fare. Who knows.
At the roadblock, one team member had to ride around on a bicycle wearing a silly Vietnamese cone hat, and selling flowers to the people on the streets. They had to make $80,000 in Vietnamese dollars - which apparently equals about $5 U.S. And we thought our dollar sucked. Ha! The challenge didn't seem particularly difficult, aside from the few people with sticky fingers who thought they could just grab the flowers and run off without paying. Those Vietnamese rebels! It really pissed off the little gay guy. And Erwin or Godwin, whichever one of those Asian brothers has the long hair, seemed to have the most difficulty out of anyone. Odd, considering he was the only one who looked like he should know how to do it. But that's just being stereotypical of me. My apologies. And by the way, who names their kids Erwin and Godwin? Like, is that some kind of mean joke? Poor lads.
At the detour, teams had the option of either making a bunch of coal blocks, a traditional source of fuel in Nam, or puttering away at constructing some bird cages. Coalminer Dave thought this challenge was made for him until he arrived and realized Vietnam's coal is mud, whereas the U.S's coal is hard. One's familiarity with coal really didn't make any difference in the challenge - all they had to do was whack it into this thing that looked a lot like the machine my mom makes riced potatoes with at Christmastime. (If you've never had riced potatoes with gravy, you must try it...mmmmm....) The challenge didn't seem that difficult to me. But apparently it was for that jackass Rob, who kept whining that he was going to pass out. I was glad his girlfriend didn't baby him up too much - sort of retribution for how insensitive he was last week when she was knocked off her horse by a tree branch.
Unfortunately for Duke and Lauren, they got separated from the group while looking for the coal place and they stumbled accidentally upon the birdcage-making station. They chose to stay there and work at that, but the task was a tedious one, and it put them behind. They did have a shot at it after the gay guys made an almost-fatal error by hitching a ride at some point on some motorbikes. It was stated in their route information that for safety reasons, they were not allowed to ride motorbikes in Vietnam. They arrived on the mat in second place, where Phil slapped them with a half-hour penalty, and they had to stand off to the side while every other team landed on the mat. It got kinda tense towards the end, but Duke and Lauren just didn't make it in time, so the gay guys dropped to last place while the father-daughter team was eliminated.
My hot boys weren't in the spotlight much this week, and I'm not sure I like their idea to team up with the Beauty Queens and Rob & Kimberly, but they did finish in second place (thanks to the gay guys screw-up), so I can't complain much. I do, however, wish this race would get a little more exciting. So far the most drama we've had to face is how much more Sarah's failing hydraulic knee can withstand, and how much more of that dumbass Rob Kimberly can withstand.... Ooooo, the suspense!!
One last thing before I wrap 'er up: Big birthday wishes going out to a regular reader of the blog...SHARON! Hope you have a good one, m'dear! Eat some cake for me!
Take care, gang!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
