How depressing that 2009 X Factor winner Joe McElderry put out a fairly rad (if not a little heavy on covers) solo album this past fall and has already been dropped by Simon Cowell's Syco label. Equally depressing: 2005 X Factor winner Shayne Ward put out a surprisingly-defining sophomore album in 2007, though — let's face it — only slightly listenable third LP in November and, like little Joe, has been dumped by Cowell.
A interesting read in the Daily Mail about both out-on-their-ear lads and the way the Syco machine supposedly works was posted on Saturday.
The gist of it: "It almost doesn’t matter if one act fails to sell records, because there is going to be another television show with a raft of new acts to sign. Simon Cowell and his record label are harsh. But that’s showbiz."
"To all my Fans I am great! Remember Business is business! 1 door closed, A Thousand more will open. :-)"
"I'm looking forward to what lies ahead over summer! Exciting times. Fix up look sharp.- #newchapter"
Good for him. With abspecsan ass positivity like that, he'll land on his feet. Though, if he landed on his back in bed on the set of some porn production in the meantime, well...
So maybe The Black Eyed Peas are simply a singles act now? Their shit new song "The Time (Dirty Bit)" has topped the UK chart, thereby holding Willow Smith back at #2 with "Whip My Hair." Meanwhile, the group's album The Beginning had a disastrous debut at #17 last week but has now managed to scrape its way up to #9.
Kylie Minogue has a dismal chart week with "Better Than Today", which is at #32 in its official week of release. Not since digital-only single "The One" went to #36 has the poor broad has such a tragic showing on the UK chart.
Of course, Kylie doesn't fair nearly as bad as poor Joe McElderry, who lands with a thud at #68 with "Someone Wake Me Up." Yay, X Factor—it's now as relevant as American Idol!
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" - The Black Eyed Peas*1 week* 2. "Whip My Hair" - Willow *new* 3. "Your Song" - Ellie Goulding 4. "What's My Name" - Rihanna feat. Drake 5. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna 6. "Like A G6" - Far East Movement feat. The Cataracs & Dev 7. "Heroes" - The X Factor Finalists 2010 8. "Thinking Of Me" - Olly Murs 9. "Who's That Chick" - David Guetta feat. Rihanna 10. "Poison" - Nicole Scherzinger
Now here's some bullshit. Joe McElderry's next single off flop album Wide Awake is the ballad "Someone Wake Me Up," the video for which premiered today. (Note: apparently, as I have "cloth ears", I didn't realize "Someone Wake Me Up" is an energetic mid-tempo floorfiller, not a ballad.)
The clip features scenes from the upcoming Narnia: Curse of The Threaded Whorebag movie, or whatever the hell it's called. That said, the song won't be found in the film. Rather, the b-side (single is out in the UK on December 5), "There's A Place For Us," does.
But don't expect to hear Joe's version in the flick in the States. Carrie Underwood also recorded her own snoozy rendition, which will play during the end credits here.
Listen to her trash, plus a live version of Joe singing the track:
I'd ask who sings the song better, but both have finally cured my insomnia. ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz....
Rihanna and Cheryl Cole flip-flop on the UK chart this week, as Ri Ri jumps up to the #1 position with "Only Girl (In The World)" and kicks the X Factor judge hack and her total-fail trash "Promise This" to the curb.
Debuting at #3 is Alexis Jordan and her Stargate-produced jam "Happiness." I had the pleasure to meet the charming young songstress when she popped into the Idolator offices earlier this year and for a little meet and greet, and sang an a cappella cover of Mariah Carey's rendition of "Without You."
But let's get to the real hotness this week! Shakespears Sister's epic ballad "Stay"—which originally hit #1 in the UK and #4 in the U.S. back in 1992— crashes back into the chart at #12. Chalk it up to X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd singing the creepy tune a week ago on the show.
Christ, I love that effing song. So, moving on to flopsville—Nadine Coyle's "Insatiable" wobbles in the UK chart at #26 like a one-legged whore after having mainlined a bucket of Rumple Minze into her arteries. I'm surprised it got that high.
And then there's poor little Joe McElderry over on the album chart...Wide Awake plummets from #3 to #20. Sigh. Maybe in five years he can have a comeback like Shayne Ward?
On a final note, Pet Shop Boys' new hits collection Ultimate debuts at #27. Not bad for a set of re-re-fried singles.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna *1 week* 2. "Promise This" - Cheryl Cole 3. "Happiness" - Alexis Jordan*new* 4. "Firework" - Katy Perry 5. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 6. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green 7. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner 8. "Just A Dream" - Nelly 9. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce 10. "Higher" - The Saturdays feat. Flo Rida
After Cheryl Cole triumphantly mimed 90% of her single "Promise This" on the The X Factor last week—an act that was exceptionally classy because at one point the words were still coming over the speakers while she was already using her hands to cover her mouth during an extremely intricate bit of choreography—the High Priestess Of British Soul has debuted at #1 on the UK chart. Spectacular!
This marks Cheryl's second chart topper in her home country. "Fight For This Love" reached #1 at the end of October last year.
Moving on to far classier broads, Joe McElderry's "Ambitions" slips down two positions to #23 in its third week on the singles chart, while the awesome collection of pop choons that is his debut album Wide Awake debuts on the LP roundup at #3. Holiding Joe off from the top of the chart is Kings Of Leon's Come Around Sundown, which is #1 for a second week. At #2 is Michael Buble's Crazy Love—an album that is now over a year old.
Oh, Joe. Can his career be saved from a Leon Jackson-like doom? Guess it all hinges on how far down Wide Awake slips next week.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Promise This" - Cheryl Cole * new* *1 week* 2. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna *new* 3. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 4. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green 5. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner 6. "Firework" - Katy Perry 7. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce 8. "Just A Dream" - Nelly 9. "Heart Vacancy" - The Wanted 10. "Written In The Stars" - Tinie Tempah
What is it about the poor gents who've won The X Factor? Shayne Ward has gone a painfully long three years without releasing an album (and the previous one only got two singles issued off it, despite each one charting in the Top 10). Leon Jackson was pretty much dead on arrival. Steve Brookstein...WHO? And now there's Joe McElderry.
Last week "Ambitions," Joe's lead single off his rather amazing Wide Awake album (out tomorrow), debuted at #6 on the UK chart. That's quite a disappointing position, given that last year's X Factor runner-up/nudistOlly Murs found himself at #1 in September with "Please Don't Let Me Go."
Compounding Joe's problems is the fat that "Ambitions" has now dropped all the way to #21. Sigh. At least boy band The Wanted manage a decent entry this week with second single "Heart Vacancy," which goes in at #2. This follows their #1 hit "All Time Low," and like McElderry, the quintet's self-titled debut LP is out tomorrow in the UK.
Elsewhere, Katy Perry still hasn't worn out her welcome (though she'll never top "Teenage Dream" in my eyes) and debuts at #5 with "Firework," which she performed on The X Factor last week. And then there's Jay Sean and Nicki Minaj's utterly useless "2012 (It Ain't Over)," which goes in at #9.
I'm off to have a cry for poor Joe by listening to Wide Awake. Pick it up tomorrow—it's better than you might think!
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars *2 weeks* 2. "Heart Vacancy" - The Wanted *new* 3. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce 4. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green 5. "Firework" - Katy Perry *new* 6. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner 7. "Miami 2 Ibiza" - Swedish House Mafia vs. Tinie Tempah 8. "Written In The Stars" - Tinie Tempah 9. "2012 (It Ain't The End)" - Jay Sean feat. Nicki Minaj *new* 10. "Best Behaviour" - N-Dubz*new*
Hey all. Was out of town for the weekend. Back to normal on Monday.
Just a quick note: Joe McElderry's #6 debut with "Ambitions" either means that he's going to go the way of Leon Jackson right quick, or we're going to be seeing a lot more of him naked.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green *2 weeks* 2. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 3. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce *new* 4. "Miami 2 Ibiza" - Swedish House Mafia vs. Tinie Tempah 5. "Written In The Stars" - Tinie Tempah 6. "Ambitions" - Joe McElderry *new* 7. "Shame" - Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow 8. "Let The Sun Shine" - Labrinth 9. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner 10. "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" - Usher
Pop chyldryn, what you are about to witness with Joe McElderry's "Ambitions" music video is total freedom. You see, this Nigel Dick-directed clip finds jumpin' Joe full of pep, twirling through a market square in Bulgaria while performing just enough synchronized dance moves to keep the casual Steps fan happy.
True, the last time a X Factor winner pulled such shenanigans in a video (see: Shayne Ward's "If That's OK With You") it didn't go over so well. But Joe's not straight, and—duh—being gay = dancing. Also, sorry, Alex Gardner, but I've now got a young, new perfectly-coiffed English hottie to chase after.
(P.S. Eff off to the person who commented the other day that I wouldn't give Joe the time of day if he weren't gay. Sure, I'd have to employ a vial of rohypnol from my plentiful stash if he weren't, but—pshaw!—as if that's ever been a dealbreaker.)
Feel free to spin, shake, twirl and flash that smile in all future videos, Joe.
Joe McElderry's Wide Awake album is due out in the UK on October 25. Surely you've pre-ordered your copy?
Here are a couple pics of last year's X Factor winner Joe McElderry from his portfolio on the Next Models site. That's nice, Joe.
And here are pics of Shayne Ward from his profile on the Next Models site.
And here you thought Shayne's official Obsession album cover was the only good news to come from him today. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to step out of the room for about 45 seconds. Nah, make that 25 seconds.
Olly Murs' "Please Don't Let Me Go" single sleeve is so from another time that it has me thinking of this...
And this...
It's kind of that "I look like the boy next door, but I'll still shag you through the plaster in the wall" aesthetic.
Anyway, the 2009 X Factor runner-up's debut single topped the UK chart this week. It's charming enough, and kind of makes me worried for Joe McElderry, who's been working on his own debut album with Dallas Austin, as evidenced by this not-staged-at-all (yeahright) photo.
Is Joe going to be the Alexandra Burke of last season, while Olly goes on to be the JLS? Dilemmas, pop chyldryn.
Speaking of X Factor, Adele's cover of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love" re-enters the UK chart at #24 this week after it was performed on last week's episode. Hot.
Oh, yeah—Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" debuts at #2, which is where she's at on the Billboard Hot 100, too. I know what she'd have to do to get another #1 single, but Christian girls don't do that too often. Unless they're banging Russell Brand. Then it's kind of a prerequisite. So expect it to top the chart next week. Her same-titled album is #1 at least.
On a final note, Hurts' "Wonderful Life" drops from #21 to #33. The duo's album Happiness, a bright spot in this year's releases, is out tomorrow.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Please Don't Let Me Go" - Olly Murs *new* *1 week* 2. "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry *new* 3. "Dynamite" - Taio Cruz 4. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna 5. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta 6. "Green Light" - Roll Deep 7. "You Took My Heart" - Pepper & Piano *new* 8. "Katy On A Mission" - Katy B 9. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP 10. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
Big up to last year's X Factor winner Joe McElderry, who today revealed he is gay on his official site. Joe topped the UK chart once on his own—with his cover of Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" (after, of course, an initial harshing by Rage Against The Machine)—and contributed vocals to the all star Helping Haiti charity cover of "Everybody Hurts," which also hit #1 in England earlier this year. (He also sang on last November's chart-topping cover of "You Are Not Alone" with the other X Factor Finalists.)
Here's his statement in full:
"Hey Guys,
"Tomorrow there will be some articles about me in the newspapers because I have been doing some important interviews today. I wanted you to know that the articles are true. I also wanted you to know that I really respect your loyal support and all the kind messages I have had from you up to this date. I have always been a very honest person and so it is important for me to continue to be honest. It has been the most amazing year so far and I feel so privileged. It’s also been a time of real self realisation and I feel as if I have grown up so much in these few months.
"There has been speculation about my sexuality in the past and I have always been honest at the time I have been asked. Over the past few weeks I have really had time to reflect and to realise who I am. I spoke to my friends and family about this in the last few days and it was important to do the same for you all as you have been so supportive.
"I have had nothing but support from you and many of you have been very open in saying that you will continue to support me whatever my sexuality. It is important to me to let you know first, so that you know the stories in the papers are true. I made the choice to speak openly about this.
"Again, I can’t thank you enough for all your support. Everything is going well and I’m really happy to be able to move forward from here.
Joe."
Joe, who just turned 19 last month, couldn't have been classier. And to think, when I came out at 20, I think I wrote my statement on the backside of some stripper at a rave...
