The 2011 Brit Awards Nominees

You're looking at the brand spanking new Brit Award, which was designed by Vivienne Westwood. Swanky. It looks like a bowling pin with two strips of bacon wrapped around it.

At any rate, the nominees for the 2011 BRITs were announced today, and as usual there were a few eyebrow-raising choices. For instance, Lip-syncing hag Cheryl Cole is up for British Female Solo Artist and British Single (for "Promise This," which made Chart Rigger's Worst Singles Of 2010 list).

Thankfully there were also nods for Take That (British Group and Album Of The Year), Kylie Minogue and Robyn (both International Female Solo Artist) to offset that travesty.

Totally snubbed: Goldfrapp, whose Head First was album of the year in 2010 in my opinion, and Susan Boyle, who has moved more records worldwide in the past year-and-a-half than Take That and Cheryl Cole combined.

THE NOMINEES FOR THE 2011 BRIT AWARDS:

British Male Solo Artist
Mark Ronson
Paul Weller
Plan B
Robert Plant
Tinie Tempah

British Female Solo Artist
Cheryl Cole
Ellie Goulding
Laura Marling
Paloma Faith
Rumer

British Breakthrough Act
Ellie Goulding
Mumford And Sons
Rumer
Tinie Tempah
The xx

British Group 
Biffy Clyro
Gorillaz
Mumford And Sons
Take That
The xx

British Single
Alexandra Burke feat. Pitbull, "All Night Long" (snooze)
Cheryl Cole, "Parachute" (scam!!!!)
Florence And The Machine, "You've Got The Love" (sure, why not?)
Matt Cardle, "When We Collide" (zzzzzz)
Olly Murs, "Please Don't Let Me Go" (zzzzzzz)
Plan B, "She Said" (okay)
Scouting For Girls, "This Ain't A Love Song" (can't remember it)
Taio Cruz, "Dynamite" (should win)
Tinie Tempah, "Pass Out" (will win)
The Wanted, "All Time Low" (puh-lease)

MasterCard British Album of the Year
Mumford And Sons, Sigh No More
Plan B, The Defamation Of Strickland Banks
Take That, Progress
Tinie Tempah, Disc-Overy
The xx, xx

International Male Solo Artist
Bruce Springsteen
Cee Lo Green
David Guetta
Eminem
Kanye West

International Female Solo Artist
Alicia Keys
Katy Perry
Kylie Minogue
Rihanna
Robyn

International Breakthrough Act
Bruno Mars
Glee Cast
Justin Bieber
The National
The Temper Trap

International Group
Arcade Fire
Black Eyed Peas
Kings Of Leon
The Script
Vampire Weekend

International Album
Arcade Fire, The Suburbs
Cee Lo Green, The Lady Killer
Eminem, Recovery
Katy Perry, Teenage Dream
Kings of Leon, Come Around Sundown

Critics' Choice
Jessie J

British Producer
Ethan Johns
John Leckie
Markus Dravs
Mike Pela
Stuart Price

Vampire Weekend Cover Cheryl Cole's "Fight For This Love", Sound Better Than Cheryl Cole

NYC band Vampire Weeekend had a #1 album earlier this year with Contra, and earlier today they hit up BBC Radio 1's Live Lounge and covered Chart Rigger's 10 Worst Singles Of 2010 honoree Cheryl Cole's debut solo single "Fight For This Love" (aka the only Cheryl Cole solo single I've ever been able to stomach).

It's pretty hot when Vampire Weekend frontman Ezra Koenig, who admits none of them knew who Cheryl was when they first heard the song, sings her signature jam better than her.

Said Koenig to Live Lounge DJ Fearne Cotton, "One day we were in the car driving to the airport and we heard a song that reminded is of K-Ci & Jojo ‘All my Life’ which is a very important song for people our age. We were like 'This song is awesome'. Then we saw her on tabloids. Who knew she was famous?”

And If You Don't Like It, Fuck You: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2010

It never fails—each year brings a new bucketful of rotten singles, causing trusty Chart Rigger sidekick Moogaboo and I put on the rubber gloves and fling them into the trash bin where they belong every December. And 2010 was certainly no exception! Below are the 10 biggest culprits of noise pollution we found lurking around the airwaves over the past 12 months.

10. Christina Aguilera, "Not Myself Tonight"

Moogaboo says: "The public deflation Xtina's bloated sense of entitlement was one of the more entertaining disasters of the year. Lucky for her, the ball-gag muffled any potential screaming tantrums."
D'luv says: "I will proudly admit that this song was one of my guilty pleasures in 2010. But I can also appreciate the sheer magnitude of flopdom is represents for Xtina's career. Plus, it wasn't the ultimate guilty pleasure. So here we are."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Christina soared to #6 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Ain't No Other Man."

9. Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow, "Shame"

Moogaboo says: "I realize this is supposed to be the 'full-circle' portion of the Robbie Williams redemption story, but I find him tiresome and his continued attempts at relevance more pathetic with each passing year. Next."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Robbie proudly reached #4 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Rudebox."

8. B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams, "Airplanes"

D'luv says: "Maybe if this song wasn't rammed up my ass every time I turned on the radio over the past six months, it wouldn't be here on this list. Alas..."

7. Cheryl Cole, "Promise This"

D'luv says: "If Cheryl used her mouth for something other than lip-syncing crap trash like this every time she got on a stage, she'd probably be able to keep a man."

6. Nadine Coyle, "Insatiable"

D'luv says: "How cute—she thought she had a career other than the pole."

5. Estelle, "Freak"

Moogaboo says: "Someone needed to pull this doll aside and say, 'No. Just no.' Sadly, they didn't, and that's how Estelle went from Grammy winner to dumpster barnacle in one short year."
D'luv says: "Wow—this really was a colossal flop on every level. Of course, if I paid a producer tens of thousands of dollars and this was the dreck they came up with for me, there would most definitely be a homicide."

4. Mike Posner, "Cooler Than Me"

Moogaboo says: "Finally, an anthem for insecure dildos."

3. The Black Eyed Peas, "The Time (Dirty Bit)"

D'luv says: "Good ol' Black Eyed Peas—always there to remind us that shit sells."
Moogaboo says: "So true. This completely wipes out any good will they may have accrued with 'Meet Me Half Way' and reminds me that they're the same bozos who did 'My Humps'."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: The Peas easily sailed to #5 on our Worst list in 2009 with "Boom Boom Pow", while Fergie received accolades when we dubbed "London Bridge" the #1 worst single of 2006.

2. Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, "Billionaire"

D'luv says: "I wanna be a billionaire, too, so I can buy a city block and drop it on Travie McCoy's head."
Moogaboo says: "Deserves a punch in the face for the porkpie hat and suspenders alone."

1. Artists For Haiti, "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"

Moogaboo: "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly, but I like to think their semi-sincere efforts did some good. Otherwise, we endured Jamie Foxx's obnoxious Ray Charles impression again for nothing."
D'luv says: "Apparently it takes 80 or so people to fuck up a classic, stage the biggest non-event of the year, give Vince Vaughn a reason to sing and then, ultimately, flop. But, hey, man—Bieber."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

Take That, Kylie Minogue, JLS And Cheryl Cole Do 'Children In Need'

Take That and Kylie Minogue performed at yesterday's annual BBC Children In Need charity telethon in London, along with JLS and amateur slag Cheryl Cole. The That, who's new album Progress has been selling like Cheryl outside the Euston Tube station at 3:17 a.m., belted out their 1995 UK #1 single "Never Forget".




Kylie, "Better Than Today"



Cheryl Cole, "Promise This"



JLS, "Love You More"

UK Chart Roundup: Rihanna Is Tops, Alexis Jordin Debuts And The Return Of Shakespears Sister

Rihanna and Cheryl Cole flip-flop on the UK chart this week, as Ri Ri jumps up to the #1 position with "Only Girl (In The World)" and kicks the X Factor judge hack and her total-fail trash "Promise This" to the curb.

Debuting at #3 is Alexis Jordan and her Stargate-produced jam "Happiness."  I had the pleasure to meet the charming young songstress when she popped into the Idolator offices earlier this year and for a little meet and greet, and sang an a cappella cover of Mariah Carey's rendition of "Without You."



But let's get to the real hotness this week! Shakespears Sister's epic ballad "Stay"—which originally hit #1 in the UK and #4 in the U.S. back in 1992— crashes back into the chart at #12. Chalk it up to X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd singing the creepy tune a week ago on the show.



Christ, I love that effing song. So, moving on to flopsville—Nadine Coyle's "Insatiable" wobbles in the UK chart at #26 like a one-legged whore after having mainlined a bucket of Rumple Minze into her arteries. I'm surprised it got that high.

And then there's poor little Joe McElderry over on the album chart...Wide Awake plummets from #3 to #20. Sigh. Maybe in five years he can have a comeback like Shayne Ward?

On a final note, Pet Shop Boys' new hits collection Ultimate debuts at #27. Not bad for a set of re-re-fried singles.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna *1 week* 
2. "Promise This" - Cheryl Cole 
3. "Happiness" - Alexis Jordan *new*
4. "Firework" - Katy Perry
5. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 
6. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green
7. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner
8. "Just A Dream" - Nelly
9. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce
10. "Higher" - The Saturdays feat. Flo Rida

UK Chart Roundup: Cheryl Cole Proves That Amateur Hour Is A Hit With The Kids

After Cheryl Cole triumphantly mimed 90% of her single "Promise This" on the The X Factor last week—an act that was exceptionally classy because at one point the words were still coming over the speakers while she was already using her hands to cover her mouth during an extremely intricate bit of choreography—the High Priestess Of British Soul has debuted at #1 on the UK chart. Spectacular!

This marks Cheryl's second chart topper in her home country. "Fight For This Love" reached #1 at the end of October last year.

Moving on to far classier broads, Joe McElderry's "Ambitions" slips down two positions to #23 in its third week on the singles chart, while the awesome collection of pop choons that is his debut album Wide Awake debuts on the LP roundup at #3. Holiding Joe off from the top of the chart is Kings Of Leon's Come Around Sundown, which is #1 for a second week. At #2 is Michael Buble's Crazy Love—an album that is now over a year old.

Oh, Joe. Can his career be saved from a Leon Jackson-like doom? Guess it all hinges on how far down Wide Awake slips next week.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Promise This" - Cheryl Cole * new* *1 week*
2. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna *new*
3. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 
4. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green
5. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner
6. "Firework" - Katy Perry
7. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce
8. "Just A Dream" - Nelly
9. "Heart Vacancy" - The Wanted
10. "Written In The Stars" - Tinie Tempah

Cheryl Cole's Sloppy Performance Of "Promise This" On 'The X Factor'

It never ceases to amaze me how these reality TV "talent" shows put kids through a grueling competition while Simon Cowell chastises them week after week, yet have talentless "singers" like Cheryl Cole hit the stage and lip sync.

The Rapidly Aging Divorcee put on some low-end call girl outfit and mimed through her latest single "Promise This." Check out the part at the 1:00 mark where she says "be the last to kiss my lips," but already has the mic pulled away and her hand over her mouth by the time the word "lips" is uttered.

A true talent!



Remind me again what qualifies Cheryl Cole to be a judge of anything?

Cheryl Cole was 'hours from death'

Cheryl Cole was reportedly close to death when she was diagnosed with malaria earlier this week.

The singer, who is currently recovering in a private clinic, is said to be unable to talk and still on a drip and using an oxygen mask.

A friend told the News of the World: "We nearly lost her and the battle is far from over. She is so weak and this horrible illness has taken complete hold of her.

"It got so bad she was literally only hours from death's door. Thank goodness she was diagnosed in time. Even now she can't talk. She drifts in and out of consciousness and when she comes round all she can do is sob.

"There was no news coming out of the hospital because it was all so touch and go. We couldn't give any assurances to fans because there weren't any to give.

The friend added: "The fact is, we came close to losing someone very special. She can't even speak at the moment and doesn't know what's happening to her. All she can do is sob. It's terrifying. And there's no end in sight.

"Seeing Cheryl like this is so painful. She could easily have died. And she's not better, she's not even close. It's still a very serious situation and she's really going to have to battle."

The report claims that Cole's work schedule for the next few months has been cleared, meaning that she is unlikely to appear at the X Factor Boot Camp.

Cheryl Cole Hospitalized for Malaria

A representative for Cheryl Cole has confirmed the British singer has been admitted to hospital and is currently undergoing treatment for malaria. The Girls Aloud star sparked fears for her health on Saturday, July 3 after she collapsed during a photoshoot in London and canceled all her work commitments for the next week.

Initial reports pointed towards exhaustion or a stomach virus, but a spokesman for the star has now revealed her condition is much more serious. Cole was taken to a London hospital on Sunday, July 4 and is being treated for malaria, a mosquito-borne disease which she is believed to have picked up during a recent trip to Africa.

Update: Cheryl Cole's condition in hospital is worse than first thought, according to sources. The 27-year-old, who is being treated for malaria in intensive care, is believed to be suffering headaches and fever as her condition shows "no signs of improvement". She may now be forced to pull out of this year's X Factor and delay the release of her second album, which was due out in October. A spokesman told The Sun: "It is a lot more serious than first thought. Everyone thought she would pull through after 24 hours but there have been no signs of improvement. "She is very ill and will not be out of hospital for a while. Everyone is holding their breath.

Rihanna Rated R European Tour Dates

It's all systems go for singer Rihanna into getting on top her music career. In fact, the Barbados lass turned music icon has already her European tour lined up in 2010. She's starting it up in Belgium on April 16. Rihanna can't hide her excitement for this promotional concert tour because she's missing her fans so much.

In another news, Rihanna recently pledged to help British singer Cheryl Cole to bring her music in the United States. Rihanna said: "Cheryl is cute and incredible. I think I could help break her in the US. She'd wow them - I'd love to have her on tour, in Europe or America." Both singers have had the chance to collaborate with Black Eyed Peas member will.I.Am - they finally met when Rihanna guested on X-Factor where Cheryl is a judge. Below is the list of Rihanna's 2010 European Tour:

Rihanna's 'Rated R' European Tour Dates 2010:

Antwerps Sportpaleis, Belgium 16 April

Arnhem, Gelredome, Netherlands, 17 April

Frankfurt/Main, Festhalle, Germany, 23 April

Oberhausen, Konig Pilsener Arena, Germany, 25 April

Geneva, Arena Geneva, Switzerland, 27 April

Birmingham LG Arena, 07 May

Liverpool Echo Arena, 08 May

The O2, London, 10 May

Sheffield Arena, 13 May

Nottingham Trent FM Arena, 14 May

Manchester MEN Arena, 16 May

Newcastle Arena, 17 May

Glasgow SECC, 19 May

Dublin, The O2 Arena, Ireland, May 22