UK Chart Roundup: Joe McElderry's "Ambitions" Is Already Starting To Fade

What is it about the poor gents who've won The X Factor? Shayne Ward has gone a painfully long three years without releasing an album (and the previous one only got two singles issued off it, despite each one charting in the Top 10). Leon Jackson was pretty much dead on arrival. Steve Brookstein...WHO? And now there's Joe McElderry.

Last week "Ambitions," Joe's lead single off his rather amazing Wide Awake album (out tomorrow), debuted at #6 on the UK chart. That's quite a disappointing position, given that last year's X Factor runner-up/nudist Olly Murs found himself at #1 in September with "Please Don't Let Me Go."

Compounding Joe's problems is the fat that "Ambitions" has now dropped all the way to #21. Sigh. At least boy band The Wanted manage a decent entry this week with second single "Heart Vacancy," which goes in at #2. This follows their #1 hit "All Time Low," and like McElderry, the quintet's self-titled debut LP is out tomorrow in the UK.



Elsewhere, Katy Perry still hasn't worn out her welcome (though she'll never top "Teenage Dream" in my eyes) and debuts at #5 with "Firework," which she performed on The X Factor last week. And then there's Jay Sean and Nicki Minaj's utterly useless "2012 (It Ain't Over)," which goes in at #9.

I'm off to have a cry for poor Joe by listening to Wide Awake. Pick it up tomorrow—it's better than you might think!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars *2 weeks*
2. "Heart Vacancy" - The Wanted *new*
3. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce 
4. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green
5. "Firework" - Katy Perry *new*
6. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner
7. "Miami 2 Ibiza" - Swedish House Mafia vs. Tinie Tempah
8. "Written In The Stars" - Tinie Tempah
9. "2012 (It Ain't The End)" - Jay Sean feat. Nicki Minaj *new*
10. "Best Behaviour" - N-Dubz *new*

Now That Ne-Yo Knocked The Wanted Down To #5, I Have A Better Chance At Having Sex With Them

The Wanted's stay at #1 in the UK with debut single "All Time Low" was short lived, as Ne-Yo's fancy loafers came along and booted them down to #5 this week. I'm still not decided on "Beautiful Monster," either; much like Ne-Yo's 2008 hit "Closer," I kind of appreciate it—but it's just not grabbing me like his older jams "Because Of You" and "Sexy Love" did right away. Both he and Stargate can do better, I'm afraid.

At any rate, we really do seem to be in the doldrums of the pre-fall releases now. Katy Perry is putting a damn single out a week and Eminem and Rihanna's "Love The Way You Lie" is so overplayed that I'm thinking of putting a cork screw through my eardrum next time I hear it on the radio. (So, basically, I'll just have to go flip it on and start stabbing.)



Here's hoping The Saturdays' semi-decent "Missing You," which is now out, shakes things up a bit next week. After all, it's been so long since we've had a nice pack of strippers sliding down the pole that is the UK chart in an upside-down split on a Sunday.

Hail Jesus!!!!

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Beautiful Monster" - Ne-Yo *new* *1 week*
2. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
3. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
4. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
5. "All Time Low" - The Wanted
6. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
7. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
8. "Pack Up" - Eliza Doolittle
9. "One (Your Name)" - Swedish House Mafia feat. Pharrell
10. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry

Here's What I'd Do With The Wanted (And, Really, Only One Of Them Has To Get Naked)

So, basically, I'd eff that middle guy there in The Wanted, and the others could watch or, preferably, go wash my car for three minutes. Well, actually, that one behind Middle Guy to the right kind of looks like a 20-year-old version of Take That's Howard Donald, so he gets to go buy me a grande nonfat hot chocolate with whip at Starbucks.

Anyway my problem with UK quintet The Wanted is that I've heard their debut single "All Time Low" on a few—maybe three—occasions now and it just doesn't beg for a repeat listen. What do you think?



Either way, "All Time Low" debuts this week atop the UK singles chart, and they join the ranks of JLS in making boy bands somewhat fashionable again in this new decade—at least for now.

P.S. The Wanted are managed by Jayne Collins, whose completely amazing 1994 Mike Stock/Matt Aitken-produced flop single "No Turning Back"—which featured in an episode of Baywatch—I literally just added to my brand new iPod yesterday.



I'd have actually rather seen Swedish House Mafia (whose member Sebastian Ingrosso co-wrote/co-produced Kylie Minogue's "Cupid Boy" from Aphrodite—which is #8 on the Brit album chart this week) and Pharrell's "One (Your Name)" hit #1. 

Alas, you can't always get what you want. And that's why there are often tears after banging a hooker.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "All Time Low" - The Wanted *1 week*
2. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP
3. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars *new*
4. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna
5. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta *new*
6. "Airplanes" - B.o.B feat. Hayley Williams
7. "One (Your Name)" - Swedish House Mafia feat. Pharrell *new*
8. "Pack Up" - Eliza Doolittle
9. "California Gurls" - Katy Perry
10. "I Need Air" - Magnetic Man feat. Angela Hunte *new*