No surprise here: Matt Cardle, winner of The X Factor 2010, has debuted at #1 in the UK with his elevator-friendly "When We Collide." Where's a good ol' Rage Against The Machine-like Facebook upset campaign when you need one, you ask? Oh, right—that would be The Trashmen's 1963 jam "Surfin' Bird", which sadly only managed to scrape in at #3. Better luck next year, kids. Likewise, Biffy Clyro's original version of "When We Collide", "Many Of Horror", re-enters the chart at #8.
Michael Jackson and Akon's "Hold My Hand" climbs to #10, giving the Gloved Corpse his first new Top 10 hit in the UK since "One More Chance" went to #5 in December 2003.
Meanwhile, over on the album chart, MJ's Michael debuts at #4. Here in the States, the posthumous collection of Jacko jams (that surprisingly doesn't suck) is going toe-to-toe with Susan Boyle's The Gift in the final countdown to next week's #1 on the Top 200.
And while we do seem to love our SuBo over here—the enchanting Vocal Sex Queen Of Scotland's The Gift has been #1 for four non-consecutive weeks now—it's Take That's Progress that truly rules the man band's home country. The album is #1 for a fifth week, and thus becomes the last chart-topping LP of 2010 across the pond.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "When We Collide" - Matt Cardle *new* *1 week* 2. "What's My Name" - Rihanna feat. Drake 3. "Surfin' Bird" - The Trashmen *new* 4. "The Time (Dirty Bit)" - The Black Eyed Peas 5. "Your Song" - Ellie Goulding 6. "The Flood" - Take That 7. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna 8. "Many Of Horror" - Biffy Clyro 9. "Whip My Hair" - Willow 10. "Hold My Hand" - Michael Jackson feat. Akon
Get excited, the UK! You now have your very own reality TV-made pop star as completely dull as Kris Allen and Lee DeWyze! There really are no words for this trash...
...other than it's going to be #1 next week. Hoo-razzy.
One need only glance over today's new UK chart to see how relevant winning The X Factor is. Last year's winner, Joe McElderry, just landed at #68 with his latest single "Someone Wake Me Up."
Cheers, then, to Matt Cardle, who trumped all others in the series tonight. He was mentored by Dannii Minogue, who last saw a winner the whole way through back in 2007, when Leon Jackson triumphed—and, well, we know how well that turned out in the end.
Anyway, Matt—who I wouldn't fuck with a vacuum hose—will have his cover of Biffy Clyro's "Many Of Horror" out there this week in the UK as his winner's song. Jesus. That's like Satan wishing the entire country with a pitchfork up the ass. Have fun with that.
With The X Factor wrapping up this weekend, the show pulled out the big guns for the musical performances. Kylie appeared on ITV's This Is JLS special with the pop quartet beforehand—and too bad she didn't perform "Better Than Today" last night rather than a month ago on The X Factor. Otherwise it might not be sitting at #90 on the UK iTunes chart during its official week of release.
Oh, well. Here's JLS and Kylie doing "All The Lovers"...
...Christina Aguilera on X Factor doing "Express"...
...and Rihanna performing "What's My Name". (Where can I get a version of this without Drake on it?)
I really don't have the strength to bother with this week's #1 single on the UK chart. Utter shit.
That said, Olly Murs latest jam "Thinking Of Me" is worthy of its #4 entry, while Jessie J's "Do It Like A Dude"—which the blogosphere collectively masturbated over but nobody bought—flops in at #25.
Elsewhere, Kylie Minogue flies up to #40 with "Better Than Today" two weeks ahead of the single's official release date. (For more on mine and other bitches' thoughts on Jessie J and Kylie's singles, see the latest edition of Pop Trash Addicts' Pop Panel.)
Over on the Brit album chart Take That retain the top spot after selling more than 208,000 copies of Progress in week number two. That gives the LP a grand total of 728,000 copies moved since its release.
Zippity-doo-dizzy.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Heroes" - The X Factor Finalists 2010 *new**1 week* 2. "Your Song" - Ellie Goulding 3. ""Love You More" - JLS 4. "Thinking Of Me" - Olly Murs*new* 5. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna 6. "The Flood" - Take That 7. "Like A G6" - Far East Movement feat. The Cataracs & Dev 8. "Firework" - Katy Perry 9. "Make You Feel My Love" - Adele 10. "What's My Name" - Rihanna feat. Drake
I didn't get a chance to post this performance by Take That on the Italian version of The X Factor earlier this week because I was too busy stuffing a turkey. But it's pretty classy, if only for the end bit, after singing "The Flood," where Mark Owen tells the (highly boffable) host he likes his bow tie, and the guy takes it off and gives it to him—causing Jason Orange to then tell the host he likes his trousers.
Last year Lady Gaga annihilated Madonna's last scrap of relevance, and this evening Ke$ha backed over it with a tank, craned her neck out of the cockpit and vomited all over it.
Yes, the New Queen Of Soul gave the performance of her career so far on the Aussie version of The X Factor when she sang her chart-topping hit "We R Who We R." There were soldier-like backing dancers. There were slickly-choreographed moves. There were ripped stockings. And there was even Ke$ha playing an electric guitar!
LOVE the part forcefully flings her sexy pop staff off stage.
I have my tickets to see Take That in Milan next July, and am more than psyched about it. (Anyone else going?) And so I'm glad the five of them got their very first live performance together in 15 years as a five piece—with Robbie Williams back in the mix—out of the way now, eight months ahead. Because they were a little rusty. But they'll get it all together.
The guys took to The X Factor stage on tonight's results show and belted out their—sigh—#2-charting single "The Flood."
But who cares that the song is in the runner-up position, when the new album, Progress, has so much amazing material lying in wait? Bring on follow-up single, "Happy Now"!
You'd be hard pressed to find a better-looking pair of performers for The X Factor than Shayne Ward and Kylie Minogue, who each belted out their latest jams tonight on the UK talent show.
Grated, I wasn't crazy about Shayne's casual jeans and t-shirt look—I thought the least he could have done for the fans that have been waiting three years for his return is come out on stage completely naked—like this. (Where's the consideration, Shayne?)
He performed his new single "Gotta Be Somebody," which was made available for download on the UK iTunes store today (official release tomorrow).
Kylie did her upcoming third Aphrodite single "Better Than Today," and I effing love the new Pac Man routine/dancers/red dress, etc. Let's face it—we were all ready for some new moves from Lady Minogue after enduring the chair routine over and over for the past three months.
Love how judge Dannii Minogue gives her sister a "10 out of 10."
Two really great performances from two of the nicest UK-based pop stars out there.
It never ceases to amaze me how these reality TV "talent" shows put kids through a grueling competition while Simon Cowell chastises them week after week, yet have talentless "singers" like Cheryl Cole hit the stage and lip sync.
The Rapidly Aging Divorcee put on some low-end call girl outfit and mimed through her latest single "Promise This." Check out the part at the 1:00 mark where she says "be the last to kiss my lips," but already has the mic pulled away and her hand over her mouth by the time the word "lips" is uttered. A true talent!
Remind me again what qualifies Cheryl Cole to be a judge of anything?
Olly Murs' "Please Don't Let Me Go" single sleeve is so from another time that it has me thinking of this...
And this...
It's kind of that "I look like the boy next door, but I'll still shag you through the plaster in the wall" aesthetic.
Anyway, the 2009 X Factor runner-up's debut single topped the UK chart this week. It's charming enough, and kind of makes me worried for Joe McElderry, who's been working on his own debut album with Dallas Austin, as evidenced by this not-staged-at-all (yeahright) photo.
Is Joe going to be the Alexandra Burke of last season, while Olly goes on to be the JLS? Dilemmas, pop chyldryn.
Speaking of X Factor, Adele's cover of Bob Dylan's "Make You Feel My Love" re-enters the UK chart at #24 this week after it was performed on last week's episode. Hot.
Oh, yeah—Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" debuts at #2, which is where she's at on the Billboard Hot 100, too. I know what she'd have to do to get another #1 single, but Christian girls don't do that too often. Unless they're banging Russell Brand. Then it's kind of a prerequisite. So expect it to top the chart next week. Her same-titled album is #1 at least.
On a final note, Hurts' "Wonderful Life" drops from #21 to #33. The duo's album Happiness, a bright spot in this year's releases, is out tomorrow.
The U.K. Top 10:
1. "Please Don't Let Me Go" - Olly Murs *new* *1 week* 2. "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry *new* 3. "Dynamite" - Taio Cruz 4. "Love The Way You Lie" - Eminem feat. Rihanna 5. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta 6. "Green Light" - Roll Deep 7. "You Took My Heart" - Pepper & Piano *new* 8. "Katy On A Mission" - Katy B 9. "We No Speak Americano" - Yolanda Be Cool & DCUP 10. "Billionaire" - Travie McCoy feat. Bruno Mars
Big up to last year's X Factor winner Joe McElderry, who today revealed he is gay on his official site. Joe topped the UK chart once on his own—with his cover of Miley Cyrus' "The Climb" (after, of course, an initial harshing by Rage Against The Machine)—and contributed vocals to the all star Helping Haiti charity cover of "Everybody Hurts," which also hit #1 in England earlier this year. (He also sang on last November's chart-topping cover of "You Are Not Alone" with the other X Factor Finalists.)
Here's his statement in full:
"Hey Guys,
"Tomorrow there will be some articles about me in the newspapers because I have been doing some important interviews today. I wanted you to know that the articles are true. I also wanted you to know that I really respect your loyal support and all the kind messages I have had from you up to this date. I have always been a very honest person and so it is important for me to continue to be honest. It has been the most amazing year so far and I feel so privileged. It’s also been a time of real self realisation and I feel as if I have grown up so much in these few months.
"There has been speculation about my sexuality in the past and I have always been honest at the time I have been asked. Over the past few weeks I have really had time to reflect and to realise who I am. I spoke to my friends and family about this in the last few days and it was important to do the same for you all as you have been so supportive.
"I have had nothing but support from you and many of you have been very open in saying that you will continue to support me whatever my sexuality. It is important to me to let you know first, so that you know the stories in the papers are true. I made the choice to speak openly about this.
"Again, I can’t thank you enough for all your support. Everything is going well and I’m really happy to be able to move forward from here.
Joe."
Joe, who just turned 19 last month, couldn't have been classier. And to think, when I came out at 20, I think I wrote my statement on the backside of some stripper at a rave...
