And If You Don't Like It, Fuck You: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2010

It never fails—each year brings a new bucketful of rotten singles, causing trusty Chart Rigger sidekick Moogaboo and I put on the rubber gloves and fling them into the trash bin where they belong every December. And 2010 was certainly no exception! Below are the 10 biggest culprits of noise pollution we found lurking around the airwaves over the past 12 months.

10. Christina Aguilera, "Not Myself Tonight"

Moogaboo says: "The public deflation Xtina's bloated sense of entitlement was one of the more entertaining disasters of the year. Lucky for her, the ball-gag muffled any potential screaming tantrums."
D'luv says: "I will proudly admit that this song was one of my guilty pleasures in 2010. But I can also appreciate the sheer magnitude of flopdom is represents for Xtina's career. Plus, it wasn't the ultimate guilty pleasure. So here we are."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Christina soared to #6 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Ain't No Other Man."

9. Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow, "Shame"

Moogaboo says: "I realize this is supposed to be the 'full-circle' portion of the Robbie Williams redemption story, but I find him tiresome and his continued attempts at relevance more pathetic with each passing year. Next."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Robbie proudly reached #4 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Rudebox."

8. B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams, "Airplanes"

D'luv says: "Maybe if this song wasn't rammed up my ass every time I turned on the radio over the past six months, it wouldn't be here on this list. Alas..."

7. Cheryl Cole, "Promise This"

D'luv says: "If Cheryl used her mouth for something other than lip-syncing crap trash like this every time she got on a stage, she'd probably be able to keep a man."

6. Nadine Coyle, "Insatiable"

D'luv says: "How cute—she thought she had a career other than the pole."

5. Estelle, "Freak"

Moogaboo says: "Someone needed to pull this doll aside and say, 'No. Just no.' Sadly, they didn't, and that's how Estelle went from Grammy winner to dumpster barnacle in one short year."
D'luv says: "Wow—this really was a colossal flop on every level. Of course, if I paid a producer tens of thousands of dollars and this was the dreck they came up with for me, there would most definitely be a homicide."

4. Mike Posner, "Cooler Than Me"

Moogaboo says: "Finally, an anthem for insecure dildos."

3. The Black Eyed Peas, "The Time (Dirty Bit)"

D'luv says: "Good ol' Black Eyed Peas—always there to remind us that shit sells."
Moogaboo says: "So true. This completely wipes out any good will they may have accrued with 'Meet Me Half Way' and reminds me that they're the same bozos who did 'My Humps'."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: The Peas easily sailed to #5 on our Worst list in 2009 with "Boom Boom Pow", while Fergie received accolades when we dubbed "London Bridge" the #1 worst single of 2006.

2. Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, "Billionaire"

D'luv says: "I wanna be a billionaire, too, so I can buy a city block and drop it on Travie McCoy's head."
Moogaboo says: "Deserves a punch in the face for the porkpie hat and suspenders alone."

1. Artists For Haiti, "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"

Moogaboo: "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly, but I like to think their semi-sincere efforts did some good. Otherwise, we endured Jamie Foxx's obnoxious Ray Charles impression again for nothing."
D'luv says: "Apparently it takes 80 or so people to fuck up a classic, stage the biggest non-event of the year, give Vince Vaughn a reason to sing and then, ultimately, flop. But, hey, man—Bieber."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

U.S. Chart Roundup: Far East Movement Fly Like A G6 To The Top Of The Hot 100

And so club-crawling booze enthusiasts Far East Movement (and thus, the "featuring" Cataracs and Dev) climb to #1 on the Billboard Hot 100 this week with their "Booty Bounce"-sampling "Like A G6." You just knew that was inevitable.



"Like A G6" sort of won me over in the way that, if I hear it on the radio, I won't switch it off just yet. At first I wanted to ram a screwdriver in my ear upon hearing it. And now—well, I'd never pay to download this trash, but I don't mind it at a respectable volume in the background.

Moving on, Pink jumps from #51 to #11 with her new Max Martin/Shellback-produced jam "Raise Your Glass." The song is already #1 in Australia, a country that I feel appreciates the radness of Pink far more than America does. If this single doesn't at least go Top 10, I'll be crafting a voodoo doll in the likeness of Clear Channel chairman Lowry Mays. And I have really long pins.

This brings us to the Mike Posner, a total douche an artist I expressed my apprehension about last week. This week his latest synth-drenched single "Please Don't Go" climbs 20 positions to #34.

And as I hinted at back in July when Yolanda Be Cool And DCUP's "We No Speak Americano" topped the UK chart, it hasn't taken long for us Yanks to embrace this novelty hit. The monotonous Aussie dance jam cracks the Top 40 this week and moves up to #36.

Hoo-razzoo.

The U.S. Top 10:

1. "Like A G6" - Far*East Movement *1 week*
2. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars" 
3. "Just A Dream" - Nelly
4. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna
5. "DJ Got Us Fallin' In Love" - Usher feat. Pitbull
6. "Back To December" - Taylor Swift *new*
7. "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry
8. "Dynamite" - Taio Cruz
9. "Club Can't Handle Me" - Flo Rida feat. David Guetta
10. "Bottoms Up" - Trey Songz feat. Nicki Minaj

Here's My Problem With Mike Posner And His "Please Don't Go" Video...

Oh, Mike Posner. I wanted to like 31 Minutes To Takeoff so much. Singer-songwriter with slight b'boy edge making hooky electro-pop in his dorm room? That almost had me overlooking the sketchy chin strap facial hair.

But while Mike's album tracks like "Bow Chicka Wow Wow" and "Do U Wanna?" seem to border on overly-confident swagger and sexual arrogance (guess he is only 22, after all), it's actually tunes like "Gone In September"—where Posner proclaims, "I said I loved you in the summer, but will I love you in the fall? / I thought I wasn't like the others, guess I'm an asshole after all"—and "Cheated" ("I should have cheated on you, nobody told me I was dating a whore") that make me want to ram a massive stack of his unsold CDs down his scrawny throat.

But my particular dilemma with "Please Don't Go," his second single off the album, is twofold:

1. It's not a faithful cover of KWS's surprise 1992 American hit "Please Don't Go" (itself a KC And The Sunshine Band cover and a strategic ripoff of Double You's version).



2. I actually really like Posner's "Please Don't Go." I just can't stand how he comes off as such a douche in the lyrics for the bulk of his songs. Sorry, Mike—I probably think your song is cooler than you.



It's sorta like how a majority of people won't deny that Katy Perry's "Teenage Dream" is a bona fide jam, even though they want to strangle her. That said, I think Mike is actually pretty talented. He just needs to grow up and apply his musical ability to a less annoying persona.

P.S. Goddamn, I've been looking for an excuse to post that KWS video for a long time.