And If You Don't Like It, Fuck You: The 10 Worst Singles Of 2010

It never fails—each year brings a new bucketful of rotten singles, causing trusty Chart Rigger sidekick Moogaboo and I put on the rubber gloves and fling them into the trash bin where they belong every December. And 2010 was certainly no exception! Below are the 10 biggest culprits of noise pollution we found lurking around the airwaves over the past 12 months.

10. Christina Aguilera, "Not Myself Tonight"

Moogaboo says: "The public deflation Xtina's bloated sense of entitlement was one of the more entertaining disasters of the year. Lucky for her, the ball-gag muffled any potential screaming tantrums."
D'luv says: "I will proudly admit that this song was one of my guilty pleasures in 2010. But I can also appreciate the sheer magnitude of flopdom is represents for Xtina's career. Plus, it wasn't the ultimate guilty pleasure. So here we are."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Christina soared to #6 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Ain't No Other Man."

9. Robbie Williams & Gary Barlow, "Shame"

Moogaboo says: "I realize this is supposed to be the 'full-circle' portion of the Robbie Williams redemption story, but I find him tiresome and his continued attempts at relevance more pathetic with each passing year. Next."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: Robbie proudly reached #4 on our Worst list in 2006 with "Rudebox."

8. B.o.B featuring Hayley Williams, "Airplanes"

D'luv says: "Maybe if this song wasn't rammed up my ass every time I turned on the radio over the past six months, it wouldn't be here on this list. Alas..."

7. Cheryl Cole, "Promise This"

D'luv says: "If Cheryl used her mouth for something other than lip-syncing crap trash like this every time she got on a stage, she'd probably be able to keep a man."

6. Nadine Coyle, "Insatiable"

D'luv says: "How cute—she thought she had a career other than the pole."

5. Estelle, "Freak"

Moogaboo says: "Someone needed to pull this doll aside and say, 'No. Just no.' Sadly, they didn't, and that's how Estelle went from Grammy winner to dumpster barnacle in one short year."
D'luv says: "Wow—this really was a colossal flop on every level. Of course, if I paid a producer tens of thousands of dollars and this was the dreck they came up with for me, there would most definitely be a homicide."

4. Mike Posner, "Cooler Than Me"

Moogaboo says: "Finally, an anthem for insecure dildos."

3. The Black Eyed Peas, "The Time (Dirty Bit)"

D'luv says: "Good ol' Black Eyed Peas—always there to remind us that shit sells."
Moogaboo says: "So true. This completely wipes out any good will they may have accrued with 'Meet Me Half Way' and reminds me that they're the same bozos who did 'My Humps'."
PREVIOUS TRIUMPH: The Peas easily sailed to #5 on our Worst list in 2009 with "Boom Boom Pow", while Fergie received accolades when we dubbed "London Bridge" the #1 worst single of 2006.

2. Travie McCoy featuring Bruno Mars, "Billionaire"

D'luv says: "I wanna be a billionaire, too, so I can buy a city block and drop it on Travie McCoy's head."
Moogaboo says: "Deserves a punch in the face for the porkpie hat and suspenders alone."

1. Artists For Haiti, "We Are The World 25 For Haiti"

Moogaboo: "This doomed flotilla of Z-listers (and Streisand) capsized quickly, but I like to think their semi-sincere efforts did some good. Otherwise, we endured Jamie Foxx's obnoxious Ray Charles impression again for nothing."
D'luv says: "Apparently it takes 80 or so people to fuck up a classic, stage the biggest non-event of the year, give Vince Vaughn a reason to sing and then, ultimately, flop. But, hey, man—Bieber."

ALSO SEE:
* The Worst Singles Of 2009
* The Worst Singles Of 2008
* The Worst Singles Of 2007
* The Worst Singles Of 2006

UK Chart Roundup: Rihanna Is Tops, Alexis Jordin Debuts And The Return Of Shakespears Sister

Rihanna and Cheryl Cole flip-flop on the UK chart this week, as Ri Ri jumps up to the #1 position with "Only Girl (In The World)" and kicks the X Factor judge hack and her total-fail trash "Promise This" to the curb.

Debuting at #3 is Alexis Jordan and her Stargate-produced jam "Happiness."  I had the pleasure to meet the charming young songstress when she popped into the Idolator offices earlier this year and for a little meet and greet, and sang an a cappella cover of Mariah Carey's rendition of "Without You."



But let's get to the real hotness this week! Shakespears Sister's epic ballad "Stay"—which originally hit #1 in the UK and #4 in the U.S. back in 1992— crashes back into the chart at #12. Chalk it up to X Factor contestant Cher Lloyd singing the creepy tune a week ago on the show.



Christ, I love that effing song. So, moving on to flopsville—Nadine Coyle's "Insatiable" wobbles in the UK chart at #26 like a one-legged whore after having mainlined a bucket of Rumple Minze into her arteries. I'm surprised it got that high.

And then there's poor little Joe McElderry over on the album chart...Wide Awake plummets from #3 to #20. Sigh. Maybe in five years he can have a comeback like Shayne Ward?

On a final note, Pet Shop Boys' new hits collection Ultimate debuts at #27. Not bad for a set of re-re-fried singles.

The U.K. Top 10:

1. "Only Girl (In The World)" - Rihanna *1 week* 
2. "Promise This" - Cheryl Cole 
3. "Happiness" - Alexis Jordan *new*
4. "Firework" - Katy Perry
5. "Just The Way You Are" - Bruno Mars 
6. "F**K You" - Cee Lo Green
7. "Cooler Than Me" - Mike Posner
8. "Just A Dream" - Nelly
9. "Barbra Streisand" - Duck Sauce
10. "Higher" - The Saturdays feat. Flo Rida

Nadine Coyle's Video For Shit Single "Insatiable" Is Basically A How-To For Cheap Strippers

Folks, no one should be surprised by this trash. After all, Nadine Coyle perfected the art of masking mediocre treacle with tit-parade videos while doing time in stripper troupe Girls Aloud.

So now along comes the full video for "Insatiable," the just-passable warbler's debut solo single. We saw a glimpse of the clip on Friday, and when I pointed out the shortcomings of Nadine's latest assault on the ears of the masses, I was attacked by a pack of Girls Aloud stans who came skittering out of the woodwork like Prada Steve Madden-wearing cockroaches.

Well, here you go, kids. But just remember—a spray tan, designer clothes and an utter shit track don't make you a star. Well, unless you're in an upside-down split on a pole at Jumbo's Clown Room.

Nadine Coyle's Disastrous "Insatiable" Almost Makes Me Wish Girls Aloud Were Still Together

I just want to know: who listens to this shit? As if Cheryl Cole's latest assault on the ears "Promise This" isn't bad enough, Nadine Coyle apparently woke up one morning and decided to out-bore everyone with this plodding trash called "Insatiable."



Sorry, baby—dolling up in 14 different hooker outfits in the video doesn't make the song any less forgettable.

Maybe Nadine's time would be better spent on trying to get Six back together, now that she's 46 and finally old enough to be in the band?