Sunday, June 13, 2010

Ali Fedotowsky is a Drunk Kissing Machine on The Bachelorette

That is Ali Fedotowsky sitting on Jake Pavelka's lap on The Bachelor. I don't remember if this lap sitting took place when she left the show the first time to return to work, or when she returned from work, to beg Jake to let her back on the show.

For reasons unfathomable to me the producers of this TV franchise chose the extremely unappealing Ali Fedotowsky to be the current Bachelorette.

After the contrived train wreck of The Bachelor which ended with the dull, unlikable, plastic man, Jake, picking the equally plastic Vienna to be his wife, well, I vowed, no more of this bad TV for me.

And then, this past Monday, I was bored, channel chasing. And I came upon The Bachelorette. I started watching. Ali Fedotowsky is even more unappealing than I remembered. And she seems to have a serious drinking problem.

Near as I could tell she booted a guy simply because he took way too long to open a bottle of champagne, while Ms. Fedotowsky eagerly waited with an empty glass.

I don't remember the champagne guy's name. The only names I remember are the Latino Roberto, the crippled professional wrestler, Justin, who hobbled on crutches to Ali's house. And this really pathetic Weatherman from Texas, Houston to be exact, named Jonathon.

Jonathon turned into a quivering mess during a contrived shoot for a Bare Naked Ladies video. Jonathon's part called for him to kiss Ali. This totally freaked the Weatherman out. It was sort of uncomfortable to watch. I got the inkling that the Weatherman had never actually seen a bare naked lady in real life. Let alone kiss one.

The totally contrived "dates" on these Bachelor/Bachelorette shows are getting ridiculous. Ali took her swarthy Latin Lover, Roberto, on a helicopter ride to the top of a downtown Los Angeles skyscraper. And then the pair had to walk a tight wire, 20 stories up, gave or take a story, across to another skyscraper roof for food and drink.

Midway to the other skysraper Roberto thought it a good time to kiss Ali. And so he did. Ali wobbled a bit on the tight wire. I so wanted her to fall, like racers did on the recently completed Amazing Race in a similar stunt.

Ali seems to be heavy into drinking and indiscriminantly kissing as many of the guys, as often as she can. A pair of the guys seem to monitor Ali's kissing, like some sort of Greek Chorus.

Weatherman for the win. Seems like the best match for me. And ABC really should not repeat the mistake they made at the ending of The Bachelor. The mistake I'm referring to was putting Jake Pavelka on Dancing with the Stars, a place few wanted to see him. Ali Fedotowsky on Dancing with the Stars would likely cause me to curtail my viewing of that show even more than I already do.